So the other day, this unidentified voice on the phone asks if I’d do a blog thing for this web site.  So you’re thinking: “wait a minute Lar’…why does somebody have to ask you?  This is your web site!”  Well, obviously you’re not as smart as you think you are.  Just because my name is on it, doesn’t mean I own it…because I don’t.  I don’t even have a computer so why would I want a frickin’ web site?  (By the way, don’t bother sending me any emails to this thing cuz I’ll never see them)

So if I don’t own it, who does?  Not sure.  Mysterious, shadowy individuals who I think have something to do with the marketing of those Animal Stories CDs.  (Which, by the way, make great gifts for loved ones on special occasions…whether it’s an anniversary,, Valentines Day, birthday, etc.  If you don’t get Animal Stories CDs as a gift, it means you’re not really loved…you’re just being used!)

Nothing new with me…just hangin’ out…golfin’ a few balls…awaiting my next ill-fated comeback.  The last two haven’t gone well.  Who knew that “Jammin” Oldies format on WUBT would have such a short shelf life?  And that R-R-R-Real Oldies 1690 thing!  What the hell was that?  Poor Tommy & Me!  We had to sit there popping extra-strength Excedrin all morning because the static was giving us such killer headaches!  No power…no signal…no nothin’!  It was a unique format though…”All-Static-all-the-time”.  I thought, at first, that it might fly for a morning show because everything coming across the air sounded so “breakfasty”.  Like frying bacon, sizzling Jimmy Dean Sausage, or that “Snap-Crackle-Pop” cereal!  But I guess the listening public wasn’t quite ready for it.

I’ve got a great idea for my next gig though!  We’ll open the phone lines each morning at 6 a.m. and the 9th caller will get to pick the format for the day, so each day will be different.  One day it might be rock n’ roll…next day gospel…then sex talk…the next day nothing but Gregorian chants & Walter Brennan records.  Or Celebrity Worship stuff all day with scandalous, salacious updates on Jenny Shimizu’s kinky love life, etc.  Or one day we might just play the song “Love Comes In Spurts” by Throbbing Gristle over & over & over for 24 straight hours.  (That will be the day I cheat and declare myself the 9th caller).    Finally a radio station giving the listeners what they want!

Keep checking Robert Feder’s column in the Sun-Times for announcement of call letters, dial position and start date.  In the meantime, I would suggest that you might enjoy listening to that morning guy on WILV-FM (100.3).  Although he plays a lot of sissy, sappy love songs…he sounds very manly.  Can’t remember his name.  Teddy Tomwards, maybe?  Something like that.

Hugs!

Lar’

P.S.  Root Boy Slim Rules!  (and so do big-girl panties!)

 

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